Dominating Shame Sex and Eros

Dominating Embarrassment and Shame

When we cause embarrassment and shame for another person I believe it is a way of dominating them.

When we see something shameful do we not feel shame on some level while seeing it? Shame is a feeling that is deeply personal and different for each person.

When we purposely cause embarrassment and shame for ourselves and/ or others what are we looking to dominate?

Consider how shame and humiliation is generally associated with and tied into human sexuality.

Eros, or the erotic, is a way of neutralizing the feelings of shame and establishing a different kind of feeling based in human sexuality as a healthy and positive practice. Eros is another way of looking at sex which incorporates a sense of passion.

In a video I saw recently I learned something and wrote this poem while watching.

he is kneeling over her
she naked and wide open
her legs spread wide apart
he reaches down touching her pussy
softly caressing and spreading
he’s touching her so nicely
who knows how long had been inside of her
how relaxed they both are
she so calm and restful
he completely enjoying the feeling of sexual pleasure
anticipation and gratification
soon to occur

he begins to stroke himself
looking at her
and delighting himself
outside of her rather than in
he has had to learn to do this
in order to avoid inseminating her
she is delighted as he begins to orgasm
it is a sweet moment for both of them
loving each other
giving pleasure
sharing each other’s bodies
feeling good
feeling refreshed
feeling satisfied
nice way to end a day of work
with a few moments of play

Erotic Sensitivity and Sex Life

Being conscious and aware is necessary in developing erotic sensitivity. Sex alone is something which requires very little of these characteristic. But, when a soul chooses to be conscious of both self and other with a well tuned awareness, the pleasure of human sexual encounter is an achievement beyond measure building trust, loyalty and fostering a mutually creative spirit.

Some are of the belief that porn dulls erotic sensitivities. Although there may be some truth in that I think it depends more on what it is that is at the core rather than what might appear on the surface.

I’ll give you an example of what I’m saying. Let’s say that two people have been married for ten years and they have no sex life. They believe they love each other and are committed and faithful to one another. Yet, sex happens once in a long while and in time may end all together. The reasons why this happens vary. Sometimes there are physical reasons and sometimes emotional. Overall the biggest reason why breakdowns in the sexual life between two people I believe has to do with trust.*
*______________________________[Trust is built on the heart or core. Core is the root of the word “courage”. The word trust and its meaning originates in Western Civilization from the Greek word “pistis” which means “persuaded stand”. It also derives from the word “fides”, so the word “confidence”, for instance, means “with faith”.]

Once the “sex life” has been altered either for physical and/or emotional reasons it might be better to allow the past to be what it was and to look ahead to a more fruitful present and future. Adding doubt to the situation only intensifies the reasons that caused the breakdown in the first place. It is best to learn new ways to introduce positive reinforcement into the relationship. This is a form of courtship. Females love it because it makes them feel secure. Women are prone to feel troubled and confused at times, and may blame themselves for any number of reasons.

It is important for the male to remember that females are highly sensitive and emotionalcreatures more than their male counterparts. This is a natural difference between the genders based on our unique cerebral biology. Hormonal differences between the male and the female have specific effects on the genders. This is natures way to create a natural attraction. Understanding the gender differences will help to insure greater and happier longevity in the relationship.

Appealing to Her Need for Security and Protection

All women need security, protection, empowerment and peace and are capable of giving nurturing, companionship, and pleasure.

The wise alpha male is always satisfying these needs in the female and generating in the relationship a certain degree of satisfaction for the things he needs.

Loving her as a female is natural and primary to infatuation otherwise the alpha would be homosexual. So understanding the nature and physiology of the female is a higher value that the alpha offers his partner. He is more knowledgeable of these things and teaches other males how to better understand their female counterparts leading to more noble and lasting relationships.

The Weaker Sex?

The ways in which the female is the weaker sex must be clearly understood in both physical and emotional terms.

She is capable of taking care of herself and has proven to the world that if need be she can provide for her own security, protection, empowerment and peace. But, it has been clinically shown that her feminine nature seeks after these capabilities in a man. Since it is her nature to seek these things from a man, when she provides these things for herself she feels unfulfilled. As a child parental imprinting taught her to expect and appreciate these things from her father later she will continue to seek them from her male companion. There were times when there was no father, or male who represented a safe and secure environment to satisfy these natural needs in her which will affect her future relationships with men.

Appealing to Her Need for Security

How does the female need to feel secure and safe?

Everything that the alpha male expresses to his prize must communicate “I want you to feel safe and secure with me.”
This means emotionally as well as physically. Criticism and rejection are hostile and communicate danger to the female. The quarrel is also hostile to the female. At all times the alpha must be strong enough to feel protected in himself without having to protect himself from her. He must be wise enough to communicate in the face of disagreement, and various forms of distorted anger that he is superior in his sense of balance, humor, patience and personal bearing. This he does by showing restraint by maintaining a positive attitude, respect and tranquility at all times in order to foster his talent to support, tolerate, empathize and show patience in the relationship. This creates the environment in which he chooses to relate to his female productively and pleasurably. Any tendency to dominate by winning an argument, belittling, and denigrating her especially by putting down females for their feelings and sensitivities is anathema in the relationship which will result in the sexual area because the sexual and erotic area is established in a loving relationship based in what generates a relaxed and tranquil spirit in the female.

The wise alpha, therefore, knows how to disagree with his female. He must be well aware of and able to communicate to his female that in providing her with security, protection, empowerment and peace he expects to receive nurturing, companionship and pleasure from her.If he provides these things for her and she fails to provide what she is able for him then there will be some imbalance in the relationship due to the feelings of inequity in the male primarily. He feels is being taken advantage of. The relationship is out of integrity. This may happen because of the need for deep inner growth on the part of one or both in the relationship. If there is some understanding of this and a willingness to continue to grow together the relationship can experience great satisfaction along the journey. But, it there is resistance to growth and mutual satisfaction along the way in these fundamental aspects of their gender oriented relationship in a natural and supportive way the sexual relationship will be stalemated and frustrated, and hinder any attempt at erotic enjoyment and refinement.

This is neither the fault of the female or the male since both of them founded their relationship on reasons of attraction and some semblance of compatibility but often without the wisdom and understanding of human nature, both feminine and masculine, and the dynamics of the best means of exchange between them.

The best way to help a woman feel secure and protected is to maintain a positive attitude at all times, respect throughout every transaction and continually displaying a tranquil and secure spirit. These traits are powerful and communicate on many levels even if there is some initial resistance or testing. The female will indeed test and when she does most males will fail because her right and left brain is balanced and she knows ours is not. That’s why positive attitude is so important because females know how to make fools of their men, and they do quite easily. Once we see it we become outraged as our egos are hurt. Mocking us is part of the test, even hostility. It is ignorance for the male to take offense after she has made fools of us on account of our own, often lust based, gullibility.


Respect is an undeniably powerful tool in the hands of the wise alpha because through respect he focuses on and values his woman’s presence an expressions. Always assuring her that he is watching and listening to her and picking up on her feelings. This communicates great strength in the mind of the female so long and he maintains composure and shows he’s thinking and considering the best course of action. If he simply gives in to each of her sometimes impulsive requests she eventually loses respect as well as confidence in him. She wants to be guided and trained, and loves it when her man teaches her lessons in life. He must respect all her failures and show good humor as he guides her into greater and greater refinements. This must be his primary pleasure in the relationship.

If the male is able to secure in himself these necessary characteristics toward self actualization in the relationship the strength he gains gives him many options. He must be liberated from his need to dominate his female and generate in himself the stability in his being centered and grounded to walk in his own integrity. Females will gravitate naturally to him who want to open themselves to him in order to experience his power and security. He will be surrounded by staff and support and soon he may even become the President of the United States. All joking aside, there is no limit to what the what the male is capable of achieving but the best place to begin in at home with one he has chosen to journey through life and experiencing the Eros and passion in their unique relationship.

Considering that males see females quite naturally and instinctively from a strong sexual position and perception, and that females see males from a strong need for safety and security, let us regard one another with better understanding. Male’s heavy sexual orientation toward women has led to many blessings and abuses which must be corrected to day in our thinking. But, likewise female’s, children and the aged’s deep need for safety and security has been dutifully supported with the lives of countless males in the bloody fields of battle since the beginning of time.

Where mutual understanding, respect and honor exist there is the possibility of comfort, growth and pleasure. These are things worth living for. And there is no need to explain any further why this is so. Let us find ways to move in this direction and share love, life and truth; female and male as one.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you found something here of value.



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