A Little Background in Psychology
There is a great emphasis today on anal sex. The Internet provides abundant media depicting this orientation for education and enjoyment both by amateurs wishing to share their love making experiences with the public and professionals who view their work often as artistic. This material is freely available to anyone who wishes to view it on most websites simply by agreeing that they are adults.
In many ways both adults and young adults who enter and observe have never thought about the material they are viewing from more than curiosity and feeling stimulated while viewing sex. But, there are other and deeper reasons why most males who by nature are quite visually oriented will find themselves engaging this media often.
Sigmund Freud and the “Anal Stage”
According to the noted psychiatric scientist, Sigmund Freud, much of our psychological development has to do with toilet training, or what he called the “anal stage”. He believed that mental states such as belief, idea, motivation and knowledge were determined by the anal stage of a child’s development. This is one of the strong points of Freud’s psychology.
Terms such as anal-retentive and anal-expulsive depict personality types that were formed through anal oriented feelings and behavior. Feelings of freedom, rebellion, strong will, orderliness, and sharing existed in the anus before the idea of shame, inhibition and concealment. How parents interact with their children during potty training affects their child’s personality development.
If Freud’s theory on human psychological development is correct as most psychologists would agree, then our interest in sexual media is of value in learning more about ourselves. We might begin by asking ourselves what sexually explicit media means to us, and what our belief system about such media may be? What is our idea of human sexuality, both in ourselves and others? What is it that motivates us to viewing it? And what do we learn about ourselves and others when we observe sexually explicit material?
Our Human Right
What are our feelings? Do we view it as dirty, clean, or a little of both? Do we feel guilt and shame? Have we begun to wonder why we gravitate toward certain looks, scenes and behaviors? These questions are necessary and important if ever we intend to grow into a deeper understanding of ourselves. We must come to regard our human right not only to ask these questions but to find the answers in any manner we choose so long as we regard the rights of others in the process. As consenting adults in the pursuit of this information we owe no one any explanations … not our wives, children, parents, pastors, employers … no one. Neither can or should anyone attempt to answer these questions for anyone else. This is something we all must do for ourselves.
Those who seem to suffer most greatly on issues of a sexual nature are those who claim to have faith in God and yet deny the structures of his creation in regard to human sexuality and development claiming that “sex” should be viewed categorically as dirty and degrading. The major religions agree that human gender and sexual nature was created as clean and pleasurable by God. So, a deep inner conflict exists in the person who has undergone religious indoctrination. For me it has taken many years to reconcile the two since the roots of religious training begin at quite an early age when children’s minds are still fresh and rapidly forming.
Where depravity, exploitation and abuse exist, which in no way relates to all the material available today on the Internet, everyone would agree that something destructive is taking place and points to areas in human behavior which should be corrected.
The Common Attitudes
In our search for sexual healing we must first recognize what may have caused the damage in the first place. To a a large degree social mores, culture and common attitudes we present enough in our formative years as to have had a large influence in our emotional development.
For exampe, in today’s world although sexually explicit media is widely accessible, the common social attitude toward it suggests that producing and watching it is something low, and those who gravitate in that direction are engaging in what is vulgar, profane and are most likely hung up, addicted, obsessed, perverted and the like. Yet, most males are doing it. What a conflict? With fairly strong social stigmas associated with sex in general, few talk, or share about it with friends. It is kind of like cocaine and hard drugs which are often categorized as something “dirty”. When the word “sex” is mentioned in this context it is a loaded term meant to denigrate sex as being wrong, bad and evil. Phrases abound that easily criticize sex as something corrupt; a social ill and evidence of a depraved society. Certainly among celebrities sex is certainly a social stigma associated with Hollywood. The idea of sex in exchange for a role, or lucrative opportunity speaks of corruption and especially in government where things of a sexual nature are almost categorically considered scandalous.
These things have caused us to keep our sexual interests and activities well underground. But, the confident and mature male who is well in charge of his emotions as well as his physical body learns to take ownership over his lifestyle and actions and knows how to express his sexual interests and behaviors with discretion and self respect without submitting to the pressures of other people’s criticisms, or the stigmas just mentioned. We must learn to view our gender and sexuality as something dignified and honorable rather than something to be neutralized as ignoble.
I like to read in the Gospels how the healer would often say, “Get up and walk”. This is something we must all learn to do. We must learn to stand up for what we believe in and walk confidently in what we do so long as it is righteous. The higher our belief system the easier it is to stand for it, the lower the harder it is for us to feel good about ourselves, and sometimes rightfully so where our beliefs and behaviors may affect the well being of others.
Sexually graphic media serves many individuals who wish to become more self aware. People’s incessant interest in anal oriented sex, as any other, may be studied and pondered. Who can say for anyone else what their belief, idea, motivation and knowledge may be? Gaining valuable information in this area mature people are enlarging their capacity for understanding others especially when viewing them in states of honest physical and emotional activity and release. It is not only a right to view people in this state where natural instincts are often authentically in play, it is a privilege.
Movies and plays are generally highly directed and the participants are often trained actors. These elements certainly exist in porn but porn encompasses a wide range of amateur content as well. It is often through the unique amateur voice that one will witness the activities of those quite similar to ourselves, and viewing their lives is often reassuring, educational, entertaining and quite satisfying. It is often the simple desire to share their intimacy and love for one another that is the motivating reason for opening their lovemaking to the public. There have been a number of times when I have felt gratitude and appreciation for what I have witnessed.
It should be clearly understood that being “open minded” is no license for folly and depravity. These things lead those who would otherwise benefit from emotional healing to deeper and deeper states of mental and emotional degradation and illness. Peace and relaxation are generally the earmarks of wise practices. Chaos and stress indicate foolish forces present which shut down and close people.
What About the Dark and Base Content?
If indeed one takes delight in dark and base content where those who engage their sexuality show cruel, violent and harmful attitudes and actions toward self and other, and if viewing this causes a person to feel such inward delight it should be obvious that such an emotional environment indicates a deeper psychological effects of physical and mental trauma. Acting out with self or others in this fashion moves in the direction of criminal. Material depicting these acts is widely available for viewing and those who are wise and mature will seek counseling if they are unable to properly understand and correct these tendencies in themselves, while becoming more and more ensnared in the web and vortex of addiction and self destruction.
When I lived in San Francisco I found a number of sub-cultures that focused on alternative sexual behavior. In my view it is questionable whether emotional healing was ever the issue in these groups, instead there seemed to be a wanton indulging into the what appeared for many an ever descending state of entanglement into darker and darker levels in a vicious abyss of trauma, fear, dominance, submission, masochism and sadism. None of these things are self correcting and often result in ill health and some form of human depravity. If anyone reading this is involved in the bondage culture understand that the characteristics of a declining state of health are represented in oppression, obsession, depression and ultimately some form of possession. The final stage is a despairing and utter loss of one’s true identity and freedom.
Present Day Conditions for Sexual Engagement
Sexually transmitted disease and especially that relating to anal intercourse has resulted in the deaths of many millions of individuals worldwide since 1977 through AIDS and HIV virus. No amount of preparation and cleansing has done anything to prevent that from happening. It is easy to see why abstinence now and throughout history is the simplest and most effective way to prevent disease and prolong life. But abstinence that crushes human sexuality is not answer to human healing, growth and well being.
Since we live in an era where sexual exchange between consenting adults is more commonly accepted and practiced proper screening will identify those who have disease. There are no guarantees upon meeting and engaging with someone sexually that one can be completely safe from being infected by another. Where two people are committed to each other who had prior sexual relationships the same threat exists in a latent fashion since all diseases carried by one will be transmitted immediately to the other through sexual contact and saliva. These diseases may have also passed down to children from their parents. We have reached a period in history where the prevalence of stealth virus is so present that immunodeficiency threatens us all.
Perhaps the biggest threat that sexually explicit media poses is in the wide presence of sexual behavior and acts of an anal nature. It suggests common interest, practice and complaisance in an areas that has proven lethal consequences. The videos are short and performance specific. Millions who have engaged in anal sex outside of long term committed partnership in a thoughtless, hasty and casual manner became gravely ill and died. These conditions are still present. The same results will occur. Those who are wise enough to avoid illness through anal sex run the risk of traumatizing their partner though sexual passion that is impatient, unkind and thoughtless. Many are in need of sexual healing because of abuse in this area of their lives and sometimes stemming from abuses in their childhood. Anal sex is not something to be taken lightly and hastily, or with the notion that females are comfortable going there.
On Anal Healing
Understandably this information and knowledge inhibits sexual relationships with others. The convenience of sexually oriented media lends to private and more isolated practices for self pleasuring and pleasuring others interactively via the Internet. The mind, therefore, is more acutely involved in sexual and erotic thought that ever before. Through this era of greater information and education on the subject it should become clearer to each one who is anally oriented that healing will have something to do with being open or closed. Now let’s look at Freud’s paradigm of belief, idea, motivation and knowledge. Our healing, I feel, must be in each of these areas. And since this paradigm directly relates to our sexuality, according to Freud, what part does an anal orientation play in either the illness or healing both in our personal as well as our public lives?
So let us say that one establishes oneself to be an anal-retentive?
“Overextending psychic energy during the process of toilet training by holding back can result in fixating at the anal stage, creating an anal retentive personality as an adult. The anal retentive personality is characterized by the tendency to cope with conflicts later in life by demonstrating an extreme sense of cleanliness and orderliness, such as dusting furniture or waxing the car when troubled. — Bernardo J. Carducci”
Although there is no conclusive research linking anal stage conflicts with “anal” personality types those who find themselves withholding, stubbornnes, hording, rebellious earlier in life and hyper orderly, etc. later may conclude that something happened in the anal area where neurological associations were formed in early childhood.
Idea of “opening” is fundamental to understanding anal sexuality and eroticism and I feel is where the healing must take place. In both the anal-retentive and anal-expulsive the neurological associations with behavior reinforced moods, feelings, pain, fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, and either comfort or discomfort. Added to these latent memories were parental behaviors which similarly were recorded and hidden in our mind. How were we treated and touched during this training period? By the age of two did our mothers frown each time they smelled the poop, grab us and hurl us down somewhere in haste wrenching off dirty diapers, quickly and aggressively scrubbing away all the offending goo from our genitals while grimacing over the foul smells, even uttering unfriendly and unkind words? Who knows how vulgar she may have become to our open and often emotional dismay? Was m mamma annoyed at us for making such a mess again, and again, and again? Consider this as part of the healing. Where did it all start?
Healing begins when we stop blaming ourselves for our orientation and begin to accept ourselves lovingly in the hope of finding balance in our lives.
The Healing Opening
I believe that searching for a kind of aperture, opening and openness is key to the anally oriented individual. The idea of “opening” is something many are searching for. The visual stimulation that comes when one sees the anus opening or being opened is a metaphor for something much deeper. Where is the craving and what does it have to do with the experience of “opening”?
The opening is among the most profound cravings in human psychology because it is only through opening that nurturing can take place. The uterus and vagina is the first major opening experience each of us experienced while on our journey through the birth canal. Therefore, it is our birthright to know and understand these things in terms of what is open and closed. Understanding what part opening and closing plays in our lives gives us the tools to change our mind and the direction in which we are heading. We can choose to become open, or we can choose to remain closed to things necessary for a feeling balanced and stable life. Notice I placed no comma between the words “feeling” and “balanced”. We all have feelings well enough but are we “feeling balanced” or out of balance emotionally?
This is why the healing always takes place on an emotional level. What we have been feeling is often limited to our unchanging habits whether physical or psychological. If we do the same things repeatedly in some addicted fashion we become closed and virtually stuck in behavior patterns that are limiting our pleasure and excitement in new explorations, discoveries, nuances and seasonings, flavors and delights. Habits stifle these things forcing us to repeat the same routine without much thought over and over again. By being open we learn and can experience new things. So, the metaphor of opening holds the key to our pleasure but it is “being” open rather than the metaphor itself that brings, supports and sustains the pleasure and human delight in a deeper and more meaningful way. By fixating on the metaphor of opening we feel stimulated.
The idea of opening and inserting also has a specific feeling. Opening, inserting and withdrawing has an emotion. Opening, inserting and withdrawing repeatedly has an emotion. These feelings are mainly those attached to memories based in real physical experience. If those experiences were positive or negative will affect how we are feeling with the metaphor of as well as in real physical experience of “opening”. Most of human sexuality is based on this pattern and the pleasures associated it.
In brief, I believer that sexual healing in whatever area will come to us when we begin to discover the meaning of being “open” and the deeper feelings associated with it regardless of orientation. Our work for healing is to better understand how to feel more open and then to begin to apply that knowledge. This is something each person must do for themselves. Ultimate and happiness is available to those whose openness produces a connection that is vulnerable and intimate. Our work is to stretch in areas we have been closed, disconnected, protective and distant both within our own selves and with others. I believe we all have the power to change our state and status if we so desire. That is the challenge I offer to the reader.
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