Though years of life coaching here I now begin anew, more clearly …
Understanding the Erotic Process
Nobody starts out feeling erotic. Erotic feelings are a process. We may all, however, start out feeling sexual. That’s only natural. Sexual is the feeling of being horny, turned on, excited in the genital area, in heat, in need of relief and highly aroused. Erotic is something else. A Greek philosopher one time told me once when I asked him what “eros” meant, he said he believed it meant “passion”.
Eroticism Is About Passion
Passion is about feelings. We say a person is passionate. What do we mean? It means a person has deep feelings for someone or something.That person is “passionate about” It may be about their work, hobbies, family, and an assortment of many other things. But what if a person was passionate about sexual feelings. Is there something wrong or evil about that?
People who love are often passionate about feelings associated with sex and lovemaking. And why shouldn’t they be? Is this not the very act which brings forth the most loved feelings in physical exchange with lovers and the bringing forth of children? Being passionate about sex and lovemaking would in the context of all that is natural and normal and among the highest and most esteemed of all the passions since it results in the bringing forth of a family. Perhaps this is such a high passion that it is regarded as somewhat sacred. And, whatever tends to denigrate the sacred is rightfully looked upon with disfavor, discontentment and dishonor.
Perhaps people who engage in sexual interaction without passion are looked down upon and suspect of lowering the immeasurable joy of human sexuality when experienced properly and fully.
In order to maintain the integrity of passion in the area of human sexuality the study and practice of “eros” regarding our sexual being is something we love and can feel passionate about. Many people whose core gender beliefs and sexual life are devoid of love and passion condemn such passions as common, crude, vulgar, indecent and evil. But for those who regard their human sexuality as something sacred and feel passionate about the good and healing feelings which derive from it they need not be ashamed of what others may think or say since they experience life on a higher and more satisfying plane. Still it is wise to use discernment, caution and wisdom as we engage in a world filled with many viewpoints, attitudes and beliefs.
People who regard their sexuality and erotic refinement with dignity and integrity have a positive and life supporting attitude toward practices which result in well being, caring and intimacy. The Indian practice of tantra a/home/owner/dwhelpernd kundalini are long established resources for obtaining a higher and more sophisticated understanding of human sexuality and eros. This areas of study are well worth the effort for learning how to shift one’s views from the realm of common tradition based taboos to a more natural and biologically based view of sexuality.
Beginning the Process
In order to reach a state where the erotic process may begin to develop and grow into a fulfilling lifestyle filled with wonderfully erotic experiences it is important to build a strong foundation of the elements involved and know how to implement them within a person’s life. Knowledge alone is insufficient without the ability to attract a suitable partner with whom to practice the art.
Developing the characteristics of friendliness and attractiveness
… is where the greatest amount of growth often needs to take place. Overcoming personal flaws and blind spots which tend to prevent suitable partners from engaging is necessary at the outset. Practicing good communication skills based in empathic listening and feedback will hone a potential lover of erotic passion to obtain the proper disposition, attitude and mannerisms that will attract suitable partners without drama, misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Overcoming the Impulse
Intense sexual craving is different than erotic pleasure since one seeks to get some relief on a deeply right brain feeling and desire for sexual union. Natural as it is this is something common to all people but rarely taken to a higher plane where personal discipline and wisdom are concerned. Behind closed doors where there is a marriage contract husbands expect sex to be delivered on demand regardless of the state or condition of their partner until one day she learns how to deny his requests without being battered, discarded or in any way troubled. He learns to live with it and together they live wonderfully committed lives devoid of sexual intimacy. This is a common theme throughout the world … always has been.
By overcoming the impulse for sex on demand we begin a process of honoring our partner and possibly shifting to a higher plane. There is no need to feel that something is being denied or held back out of rejection or lack of attraction. The holding back of sexual intimacy rather than being a reason to quit a relationship or feel discouraged is simply an opportunity to grow. By avoiding the impulse to take things too personally we control the path of certain emotions being responsible for our own feelings rather than blaming of laying them on our partner. Settled thus in mind and in spirit we are better able to decide which may be the best course of action in our lives.
The “Relate” Principle
By being supportive, tolerant, empathic and patient there will soon become present a more rational atmosphere which will elevate the partnership. Love in a deeper and more wonderful sense, rather than that associated with desire, will emerge which produces life, order, voice and even greater empathy in the relationship. Then with the marriage of these gifts rendered to one’s partner something creative begins to emerge . As an atmosphere of “play” begins to appear one of creativity and imagination will arise allowing two people to enter a special and unique world they create together either as committed partners building a life together or as casual partners exchanging from a sophisticated level of friendship and trust. I honor that people may come to have casual sexual relationships who bring their best selves, if only momentarily. It is clear that many have deep reasons for wishing to remain single.
The need for human touch and intimacy is always present on certain levels and learning how to satisfy these needs in a kind and supportive manner and seeking out friends who likewise share our same principles is a wise and healthy way to approach one’s single life. And, who knows if one day such a person having entered much greater affection and trust with someone may decide to go the rest of the journey with them as a couple.
Thank you for visiting my blog. I welcome your sincere comments and will learn through them your wonderful perspectives.